Suddenly...

I knew it was coming. I agonized over how the timing would work out... when would a room be available ? How would I know it was time? When to start the Long Term Care policy knowing that there's a 100 day elimination period? Praying for these answers...

and then suddenly...
while talking with the Health and Wellness Coordinator, I told her that I thought we were to the point where we would take it when a room opened up...
and then she told me a private room had become available.

In the next couple of hours, there were phone calls I had to make, and bursts of sobs as I anticipated telling Mom about the move, (would she react in anger, feel like I've betrayed her?) quick facebook messages requesting prayer, and then the drive to Oakwood. I can't say enough about the amazing staff at Oakwood. The social worker was already in Mom's apartment when I got there, and she facilitated the discussion.  Mom  handled it so much better than I had feared, and I felt relief in that we've cleared the first hurdle. I told her we would make the room her home, and she asked me if I was sure about that. I answered that I couldn't be sure, but I was hopeful.

So much to think about, to take care of, paperwork...her move will officially be on Tuesday providing her doctor's forms get to Oakwood by Monday. As long as I'm busy with tasks, I am fairly strong.
Still, breakdowns occur at odd moments or in the middle of leaving a phone message, or telling a friend...

As emotional and hard as it is, it is the right next step, and it is the right time.
God answered my prayers.
I am supported.
I am loved.
I will rely on His strength as I continue to walk on this journey.

The Search

Today I felt the clouds closing in as I arrived at Mom's to take her to a couple appointments, and was greeted with "I can't find my purse"...

I started to ask her when she remembered having it last, but then stopped, because of course she wouldn't remember. Instead I asked questions, made phone calls, grasped at "straws", and finally determined that the missing purse must be somewhere in her apartment.

So the search began.

Every room, closets, cupboards...

not just once, but multiple times.

Where would a person with Alzheimers' Disease
put something valuable like a purse?

Praying to God that He would reveal to me where I should look, 

and for patience and kindness in dealing with my mother who is now more like a child.

Meanwhile, one appointment cancelled, and the other kept in the midst of the search.

Mom kept saying how bad she felt, 

and I assured her that she didn't lose it on purpose,
and blamed the disease.

 I kept looking...

Strange places like the oven, the refrigerator,
under the sink, back to the closets...

on the phone with my daughter, I flipped the top of a shoebox.

And there it was...

the missing purse,

in a SHOEBOX!!

I experienced such relief, but also such sadness.

Another step on the darkening path of this journey...

Thankful that God goes with us every step of the way.

Hidden

In the midst of seemingly endless repetitions of information...

the search for framed photos that weren't in their normal place, 

and eventually finding them in a tote bag...

going through the calendar of life events, 

and making sure the days that have passed are crossed out...

suddenly there was a moment of lucidity, 

(increasingly hidden)

and a question if this was all getting too heavy for me...

my answer that it is what it is,

and we're doing the best we can.