Fear

I had to stop over at Mom's today after school for some paperwork. I had told her last night on the phone that I would be doing that...I called before I left work, but couldn't reach her on either her home or cell phones. Telling myself not to panic, I kept trying. Still no answer.
At Oakwood, I climbed the three flights of stairs to her apartment, rang the doorbell, put my key in the lock only to find it unlocked...
Fighting back fear as I walked in and looked around. Times like these I am terrified that I will find her hurt or dead. Then I saw her keys...where could she be without her keys?
I found her at the Community Center...she had played hand chimes with the choir for the vesper service, and had no memory that I would be coming.

I thank God that she was safe, and I pray for patience and for Him to alleviate my fear.
 This path is slippery...

phone calls

it might have felt like a call from the principal's office at my child's school,

although I never experienced that...

but I imagine the feelings would have been the same...

the phone calls I received at work, not about my daughters, but about my mother,

were pretty upsetting...

and I wanted to say to her

"JUST GET ALONG WITH PEOPLE"!

yet even as that might make ME feel better,

somehow I just know it wouldn't be beneficial.

so i find the strength to respond to the phone calls with gratitude,

and I truly AM grateful that I don't need to "handle it"...

I allow the social worker and volunteer coordinator to do their jobs.

and realize it's just another step

on this journey to the unknown

amazing to witness

 I had the privilege to witness a dream come true

the making of a memory

an amazing experience 

for two people I love

almost like having another child...

This morning I got an email saying Mom's Apple ID password needed to be reset.

I made two phone calls to her to make sure our appointment at the bank was set up.

She told me she had fallen outside this morning, gone to Urgent Care and had a CT scan.

I patiently repeat information, answer questions, tell stories like it's the first time.

and all the while I am thinking....it's like having another child.

I know that this journey I'm on is known to many.

I've connected in this past week with multiple people who have such stories of their own to tell.

I now know that God was not putting Matthew West's "Strong Enough" on my constant playlist

to help me with the job transition

but for this...

HE is strong enough for both of us

and I can do all things through Christ 

who gives me strength...

one day at a time

one answer at a time

one step at a time...

Good News...Bad News?

Mom had her MRI on Thursday and called to read me the letter she received with the results.

From what she read to me, I would interpret the results that we caught it early, 

as there was no evidence of a specific part of the brain being affected, 

no evidence of strokes or tumors,

but a decrease in brain size that is common with age and memory loss.

Mom is convinced that the diagnosis of Early Alzheimer's Disease

is no longer a valid one based on what she read.

I feel like we're back at square 1

in a way.

And after spending the evening with her,
patiently repeating information that she seemed to hear for the first time, each time...
I feel discouraged
and sad...

Beginning

On Thursday Mom was diagnosed with early Alzheimer's Disease. It wasn't a surprise. Actually for me the diagnosis was validating, and from my perspective a bit "freeing" for Mom as well. She took the news better than either Tom or I had anticipated...at first.
I don't fully understand her not wanting to tell anyone.
It is the opposite for me...I need the support of my close friends and my family as I take the first steps on this journey to the unknown.
this blog will tell my story....